When a Good Performance Review Isn't Good for Everyone
Year-end performance discussions are approaching. For leaders, this is a time to look back at achievements, recognise contributions, discuss what could have gone better and agree on priorities for the year ahead. These conversations are not always straightforward. Behind the results, there may have been shifting priorities, difficult decisions and considerable effort that is not immediately visible in the performance figures. We prepare what we want to say, gather examples and think about the feedback we need to give. Yet we may pay less attention to how the other person will experience the conversation and whether we will leave with the same understanding. As leaders, we experience both sides: reviewing our team members' performance and discussing our own with our boss. Imagine sitting down for your own review after months of changing priorities and supporting your team through a difficult period. Your boss opens with the target you missed. You knew it would come up, but you also hoped there would be room to talk about everything else you achieved. They have checked the figures and prepared specific feedback on each KPI. You understand their point, yet find yourself wondering whether they realise what this year has been like for you and your team. Across the table, they may be wondering why a conversation they prepared so carefully has become uncomfortable.
Same conversation, different experiences Why can two people leave the same conversation with such different impressions of how it went? According to the Process Communication Model (PCM), we perceive the world through different perceptions. These differences influence what we pay attention to, how we communicate and what we need to feel recognised and understood. For your boss, taking your work seriously may mean coming prepared with facts, examples and useful questions. You may be hoping they will ask how you are and acknowledge what it took to keep your team together. When you try to explain that experience and they return to the project timeline, you may start saying less. They think they are helping you work through the problem; you wonder whether they see you, the human behind the leader. The reverse can happen when you lead a review. You thank someone for their contribution, acknowledge a demanding year and tell them how glad you are to have them on the team. You leave feeling it was a good conversation. They appreciate your warmth but still wonder which achievements you valued, how their performance was assessed and what they need to improve. In both examples, someone has offered what they themselves would have appreciated.
What could we do differently? In the first example, the boss could ask, “How are you doing after all those changes?” before returning to the figures. In the second, you could make your appreciation more specific: “The planning process you introduced helped us meet the last three deadlines. Next year, let's work on spotting delays earlier. What would help you do that?” The aim is not to choose between facts and feelings, but to recognise what matters to the other person and adapt how we communicate.
And have we actually agreed? Understanding each other also matters when setting next year's expectations. “Take more ownership” may sound clear, yet one person may mean making decisions independently, while the other understands it as bringing better-prepared recommendations. A quick check of what each person means can prevent misunderstandings later.
Before your next performance review As a former leader, I have been on both sides of these conversations. I know how easy it is to focus on what we want to say rather than what the other person needs to hear first.
Three questions are worth considering:
1. What might I be overlooking? What matters most to this person: facts, relationships, values or recognition?
2. How could I adapt? Am I offering what they need, or what I would appreciate myself?
3. Have we understood each other? Are we leaving with the same expectations about what happens next?
A performance review is an opportunity not only to look back, but also to create a shared starting point for the year ahead. Before closing, we might simply ask: “What are we each taking away from this conversation?” Have you ever left a performance discussion believing you had reached an agreement, only to discover later that you understood things differently? I would be interested to hear your experience.
Monica Cretu is the founder of WalkingTheTalks® in Zurich.
She brings over 25 years of experience in senior marketing and business development leadership roles to her work with leaders and solopreneurs, helping them communicate in ways that build trust with their teams and clients. She is an ICF Professional Certified Coach, EMCC Professional Mentor and certified PCM Coach & Trainer.
